FINALLY!!!

I can finally write a post. I couldn't sign in b/c I was using the wrong email address. How silly...and slightly embarrassing.
Well, it's been a really horrible few weeks. So many times I feel guilty for feeling down about who knows what, when there are people out there with real problems...like a co-worker with a daughter in the hospital, another family friend dealing with custody issues.  Those are definitely real issues and I've been praying for them.  Tonight, I just cracked and started crying and was like, "my problem is REAL too, why do I feel guilty?!" I do not choose to feel depressed and it angers me how heartless people can be. I CHOOSE to keep going, keep trying to live a "normal" life...and it's hard.  Some days aren't bad, but some are torturous.  God has been using my little girl in a big way that she'll probably never realize. I don't pray for my life to be taken anymore b/c I don't want to leave her motherless. I have to keep going. I am so thankful for the moments of honest joy in my life and I have been talking through those memories in the dark times -like now- to help get through.  Sometimes that means forcing myself to go to an event (like church or a ladies meeting) or just going over choreography for a class when I feel like all joy has been completely robbed from me.  Earlier today I looked up info. on a Christian therapists and started crying again b/c of the rates. When will I get better? When will God heal me?!! I don't know, I know you don't know. I just need to vent.