"Be thankful for what you have." "God has something better for you, be patient." These are things that I am repeating to myself today.  Trying to get them to stick so they aren't just in my head, but also in my heart.
I have had shoulder pain (especially in my right shoulder) for over eight months now. I have been to the physical therepist and have done some exercises, but the pain is persistant.  Pretty much the only thing that makes it feel like it's gone is to not use it at all.  Not only do I think that would make it worse, it's just impossible right now with a small child. I use my shoulders all the time with her.  Just over the last couple of weeks, I've also started to have pain in my right knee.  Initially I thought I must have twisted it in my sleep or something, b/c it seemed to come out of nowhere and the pain was mild.  Well, the pain is no longer mild and has me concerned.  I make $ (little as it is, it is a huge help to my family right now) exercising!  Exercise is not only my job, but my joy and oftentimes emotional well being. I would be crushed if I couldn't teach.  Not only b/c I would miss the teaching, but b/c if I don't teach at the Y, I don't go...b/c I would lose membership and I cannot afford to pay for membership. I am trying to be calm and to take care of myself, but all the "what if's" build up and get me anxious.  My body feels like it's falling apart and that makes me a little angry to be honest.  I work hard and as best as I know how, I work safely.  I try to rest when I feel my body needs it. I don't fill my body with a bunch of junk. It's just not fair, and in this case not fair stinks. (In some cases, I am so glad things are not fair- like salvation). The last time I was majorly injured was when I badly hurt my back. I went from 127 lbs. to 150 lbs. in a matter of months.  I have the type of body that clings to fat for dear life. I hate that. I am worried about all of this making my depression worse, about being completely broke, about gaining weight (also depressing for me), about losing acquaintances who I really wish were dear friends. Bleh. I need a punching bag to let out my distress, but oh wait, I can't punch b/c of the pain in my shoulders.  Agghhhh!