Sunday, October 9, 2011
Stupid depression demon
Welp, I'm not feeling too great. Though at least my feelings now are somewhat manageable and even slightly explainable...and all this with no meds. I hate that I feel guilty for just being me. I feel expensive b/c of all of my medical bills and lack of income that I bring in. On top of that feeling, I can't physically do many jobs right now b/c of my injuries and I have no computer skills for a big girl job (which I would probably really dislike anyway so that's probably not a total bad thing). And why do people not want to hire weekend help? Ugh. Brad is so sweet and talked with me a lot today and did his best to reassure me that he has never had thoughts that I was "expensive" and that he really wants me to be home with Lydia even during this less than ideal financial time in our lives. I believe him completely, it's me that needs convincing. When I voice some of these things out loud I feel so foolish. They start to sound so petty. I don't want these negatives thoughts and emotions to rule my life. I want to be a person that others are happy to be around and a person that shows God's love and character through my love for other people.
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Jamie, you are so sweet. I just love you!! Your desires are righteous, and I sincerely hope you recognize that! Your longing to ensure that your family has all it needs, to be with Lydia, to be perpetually happy, to be even more Christlike, to share even more light -- all things that please the Lord, and I can only imagine how delighted he is in your sweet spirit, and the amazing desires of your heart. He will continue to bless you. He will continue to answer your prayers, and to guide you and your family. Just keep trusting Him, and turning to Him with your tough questions. I was recently taught the principle of not only praying with a sincere heart (really really wanting to know an answer), AND real intent (honestly intending to DO something based on the answer you receive). It seems to make a difference in the way we communicate with God, through prayer. So, I suppose this is me, sharing with you what I've learned and have started to apply in my prayers, especially when I'm asking about a tough situation, to which I need clear answers. When I tell my Heavenly Father that I am going to do XYZ and willfully act upon the answer He sends to me, I notice greater impressions in response to my prayers. Keep turning to Him, I know God is so eager to bless your family and fulfill all of your righteous desires! <3
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jac. That is really helpful and I think you are just the greatest.
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