Trying to trust here!

Ahhh sigh...this has been a day. I have felt sick for weeks now- though mildly at the moment, it was BAD at one point, and I am so tired.  I slept maybe three hours last night and I am feeling it. I've had horrible headaches all week. I think the headaches though might be b/c I did not take my medicine for three days. I didn't take it b/c I didn't want to run to Publix just for my prescription.  I like to do errands in groups...to save time and gas.  Well, I thought a couple medicine free days wouldn't hurt, but the last few days of headache pain have sucked and last night and today have been tough emotionally.  It makes me very upset for multiple reasons.  Recently Brad and I have been talking about family planning and timing for adding another baby to the family. Well, I am already a sensitive mess when it comes to this subject, but now I am almost in tears.  I don't know, maybe we're supposed to be a happy family of three, and if that's what God wants for us, great...I just wish I felt some peace about it.  I can't take my medicine if I'm pregnant so it just worries me.  When I was pregnant with Lydia I was actually the happiest I've been in years and thought my depression was gone for good. I'm worried though, that if I get pregnant again, that might not be the case and I do not want 9 months of inner darkness along with the sickness and pains of pregnancy. That may just push me past my limit.  I am trying to see the positive in this. (Seeing positive ANYTHING while suffering from depression is super hard). What does God want to teach me through this and how amd I supposed to grow? I know that you can reach out to more hurting people when you've been hurting yourself, but how long do I have to hurt?  I'm in a much better place than I was two years ago...I actually do feel like my suffering will bring glory to my creator and savior which is very humbling, but it's still so hard.