Alright, this may get a little jumbled, so be warned and prepared. ;)
I think by now it is safe to say that my new meds are indeed working. I had an anxious day this week, that would've normally turned into a horrible day with some kind of meltdown in the mix. That wasn't the case this time. Praise the Lord God Almighty!! He is good! I was frustrated, yes, but I just dealt with it and it turned out to be no big deal...and that right there IS a big deal!
On to other news. I facebook chatted today with an old friend. Why is that newsworthy? I'm glad you asked. I have not done that in years. In fact, I avoid things like that and I don't text- (but that's b/c I don't want to pay the extra charge). I do care about the person I was chatting with and wanted to know what was going on with their life. Why do I not make time to do that more often? Or at least write long emails to stay connected? I know why I don't call people, I'm not going there today. I know part of it is because I am selfish and want to sleep when Lydia sleeps. (PS- she sleeps at night, but I don't...well). Another part, is that I don't want to sound creepy or nosey. I think that is hard to avoid sometimes, although it may just be in my head. I had a friend tell me in highschool that I was very nosey and she did not want to be my friend anymore. I admit, I can be nosey, but I know that I'm much less nosey now and much more concerned for people. In fact, I would say this person is much more nosey- so childish. I really need to let that go. Anyway, I was glad I chatted today and caught up. It warms my heart and now I know what I can pray for specifically for this person and that's pretty cool.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Things Are Good
Hmmm, I have noticed that I have less desire to blog when things are going well. I think it's because I don't feel ashamed to just say, "hey, things have been going great," when I honestly mean it. I've been taking an antidepressant for a little over two weeks and that may be too short a time to tell if it is really working, but it has been a nice two weeks and for that I give thanks. It has definitely made me tired though, which is something I'd really like to kick. I feel like I need to get out there and really live life while I'm here on this earth, but most days I am just counting down until I can take a nap.
Our family has also just started going to a new homegroup. I think I may have mentioned it before. Anyway, it has been amazing! Something we look forward to and get so much out of. Just in three weeks time, I have seen emotional and spiritual growth in both myself and Brad...and Lydia is a rockstar and goes to sleep while we're there (at someone else's house!).
I am very happy right now and it feels soooo good to say that. There are lots of things to pray for and to worry about, but God is bigger than them all and He is King! Isn't that great?! I am going to spend more time this week in PRAISE. God deserves my praise and I want to please Him everyday.
Have a great week!
Our family has also just started going to a new homegroup. I think I may have mentioned it before. Anyway, it has been amazing! Something we look forward to and get so much out of. Just in three weeks time, I have seen emotional and spiritual growth in both myself and Brad...and Lydia is a rockstar and goes to sleep while we're there (at someone else's house!).
I am very happy right now and it feels soooo good to say that. There are lots of things to pray for and to worry about, but God is bigger than them all and He is King! Isn't that great?! I am going to spend more time this week in PRAISE. God deserves my praise and I want to please Him everyday.
Have a great week!
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Making A Difference
Alright, I am finally sitting down to post about something I was inspired to post Tuesday. Lazy. Let's move forward.
If you didn't know, I teach group exercise classes at the YMCA. It is amazing. I get paid to work out and build relationships with people. It has been a huge blessing in my life for two years now. I'm not always in the mood to workout or even be around people, but b/c I know people are counting on me, I go and my day is always better (most of the time). ;) This past Tuesday after teaching Sh'Bam (dance fitness), a woman came up to me and thanked me for my humor in class. She said that she was going through a really difficult time with her family and that it was therapy for her. She never misses a class. She says she makes herself go b/c she knows she will always have a smile on her face and leave feeling better. Wow! That may not sound like much to you, but that spoke volumes to me. I can relate to her and she probably doesn't even know it. It is therapeutic for me during this hard time as well. I was so encouraged, I prayed and thanked God right then for using me in her life. I pray often for my classes and really desire to use them as a ministry tool. To hear that it is happening, even when I thought I could not be used at the time is amazing and humbling. I would pray, "God, heal me from this so I can use it for your glory," when really he can use me while I'm going through it.
A similar circumstance happened this past Friday evening. (Okay, God is really up to something now) :) My family and I went to a new home group through our church. They were working on testimonies and talking about how your testimony is different depending on who you are talking to. For instance, if I am sharing with someone at the gym, I may use an example of how God used exercise to give me strength, etc. Anyway, we were writing down some key points that we would later share with eachother. I felt in my heart that the strongest testimony that I had and needed to share was how Christ has been a provider of hope even through dark depression. I got choked up, b/c I am still going through this and it is difficult to talk about. Somehow in spite me and in spite of that, God used it. Right there in a room full of Christians. Praise God! I still pray for healing and to be able to speak comfortably about the issue of depression, but now I also pray for opportunities to share and let God use me now.
I just started taking an antidepressant and am praying for the best. I am feeling most of the side effects, but hopefully in a couple weeks my body will adjust and I won't have them. To have hope of freedom from this horrible disease is truly awesome.
If you didn't know, I teach group exercise classes at the YMCA. It is amazing. I get paid to work out and build relationships with people. It has been a huge blessing in my life for two years now. I'm not always in the mood to workout or even be around people, but b/c I know people are counting on me, I go and my day is always better (most of the time). ;) This past Tuesday after teaching Sh'Bam (dance fitness), a woman came up to me and thanked me for my humor in class. She said that she was going through a really difficult time with her family and that it was therapy for her. She never misses a class. She says she makes herself go b/c she knows she will always have a smile on her face and leave feeling better. Wow! That may not sound like much to you, but that spoke volumes to me. I can relate to her and she probably doesn't even know it. It is therapeutic for me during this hard time as well. I was so encouraged, I prayed and thanked God right then for using me in her life. I pray often for my classes and really desire to use them as a ministry tool. To hear that it is happening, even when I thought I could not be used at the time is amazing and humbling. I would pray, "God, heal me from this so I can use it for your glory," when really he can use me while I'm going through it.
A similar circumstance happened this past Friday evening. (Okay, God is really up to something now) :) My family and I went to a new home group through our church. They were working on testimonies and talking about how your testimony is different depending on who you are talking to. For instance, if I am sharing with someone at the gym, I may use an example of how God used exercise to give me strength, etc. Anyway, we were writing down some key points that we would later share with eachother. I felt in my heart that the strongest testimony that I had and needed to share was how Christ has been a provider of hope even through dark depression. I got choked up, b/c I am still going through this and it is difficult to talk about. Somehow in spite me and in spite of that, God used it. Right there in a room full of Christians. Praise God! I still pray for healing and to be able to speak comfortably about the issue of depression, but now I also pray for opportunities to share and let God use me now.
I just started taking an antidepressant and am praying for the best. I am feeling most of the side effects, but hopefully in a couple weeks my body will adjust and I won't have them. To have hope of freedom from this horrible disease is truly awesome.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Friendship
If you've read my previous posts, you may remember that I said I was not going to mention others in this blog. Well, I meant in a negative way. I am going to name drop here, but it's all good stuff. :)
"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost."
- Charles Caleb Colton
The above quote is so true to me. Friendship is something I have missed so much in the last couple years. Before grown up stuff (not to mention, depression) kicked in, friendships had so much time to bloom and stay strong. I got the wonderful chance to hang out with two of my best friends, Megan and Bonnie recently and was reminded of "the good ol' days." I knew I missed them being around, but I didn't realize how much. They are both in school now, one in a different state so seeing them is a special occasion. Not counting Brad (b/c he is the best friend I've ever had and probably ever will have), next to Megan and Bonnie, I don't have any close friends in Jax. This makes me so sad. Part of it is my fault I realize, but part not so much. I have several people that I call friend who would probably call me the same, but the closeness is not there. There is one person that I knew when I met her, I wanted to be her friend (in a non-creepy way). This is one relationship where I stepped out of my comfort zone to make it happen and it just didn't. We are friends, but not like I hoped. Sometimes, I reflect on our friendship and get so frustrated. I start to wonder what's wrong with me. Why has she always been too busy for friends until so and so came along? I don't have any ill feelings towards her, more like jealousy I guess. I have cherished our conversations and craved for more.
Today gave me some hope in this area and I'm praying I haven't set myself up for disappointment. I went and met with some ladies from my church who meet weekly for lunch and a short, casual discussion and just sharing life together. I loved it. I am so glad I went. Honestly, I almost didn't go b/c I was upset that I hadn't been invited all along. I felt left out- again. Getting past those silly thoughts and just going wasn't an easy step for me so I am proud of myself.
This is one of the many areas that I hope to improve on this year. I say this year instead of "in the future" to make myself really try to open up. It's less vague. Friends aren't just the whipped cream on top, they are what makes the dessert so awesome. Cherish all your friends, old and new.
"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost."
- Charles Caleb Colton
The above quote is so true to me. Friendship is something I have missed so much in the last couple years. Before grown up stuff (not to mention, depression) kicked in, friendships had so much time to bloom and stay strong. I got the wonderful chance to hang out with two of my best friends, Megan and Bonnie recently and was reminded of "the good ol' days." I knew I missed them being around, but I didn't realize how much. They are both in school now, one in a different state so seeing them is a special occasion. Not counting Brad (b/c he is the best friend I've ever had and probably ever will have), next to Megan and Bonnie, I don't have any close friends in Jax. This makes me so sad. Part of it is my fault I realize, but part not so much. I have several people that I call friend who would probably call me the same, but the closeness is not there. There is one person that I knew when I met her, I wanted to be her friend (in a non-creepy way). This is one relationship where I stepped out of my comfort zone to make it happen and it just didn't. We are friends, but not like I hoped. Sometimes, I reflect on our friendship and get so frustrated. I start to wonder what's wrong with me. Why has she always been too busy for friends until so and so came along? I don't have any ill feelings towards her, more like jealousy I guess. I have cherished our conversations and craved for more.
Today gave me some hope in this area and I'm praying I haven't set myself up for disappointment. I went and met with some ladies from my church who meet weekly for lunch and a short, casual discussion and just sharing life together. I loved it. I am so glad I went. Honestly, I almost didn't go b/c I was upset that I hadn't been invited all along. I felt left out- again. Getting past those silly thoughts and just going wasn't an easy step for me so I am proud of myself.
This is one of the many areas that I hope to improve on this year. I say this year instead of "in the future" to make myself really try to open up. It's less vague. Friends aren't just the whipped cream on top, they are what makes the dessert so awesome. Cherish all your friends, old and new.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Money, Money, Money, Money....Moooonnnney!
Alright, before I get started if you did not sing the above title, please pause and sing it and then continue.
Can I just say something about money and people?! I think money turns some otherwise very intelligent people stupid.
Currently, Brad works part time (some weeks, full-yay!) and is a full time student. I stay home with Lydia and teach part time at the Y. Our income right now is low, but we're just fine. People should not feel bad for us. When we skip going out to dinner with everyone, it's our choice. We may have the cash on hand, but just because you have it does not mean you should spend it. We would love to retire someday and enjoy traveling, doing more mission work and what not. You can't do those things if you don't save $. Pay yourself first. If you don't know what that means, think on it and if you still don't get it- ask! If you looked at our tax return from last year, you would probably cry and shake your head wondering how we don't live in a cardboard box. We may get scoffed at, but we smile knowing that we are 100% debt free and that we have $ to live off of should something happen. That to us, feels much better than having the best stuff and going out all the time with a big money monkey on our backs. We don't have some crazy money secret or anything. We just use the common sense of...don't buy it if you can't pay cash. Cars, new furniture, all that stuff. When we buy a house someday, we will probably get a loan and have debt there, I admit. We will not however, say hey, we're going into debt anyway let's make it worth it with a really expensive house. That is dumb.
If you have been wanting to tighten the belt a bit when it comes to finances. You should check out Dave Ramsey. Podcasts, books, whatever. He is a godly man who practices what the Bible says. No get rich quick schemes, just common sense and the good book.
Can I just say something about money and people?! I think money turns some otherwise very intelligent people stupid.
Currently, Brad works part time (some weeks, full-yay!) and is a full time student. I stay home with Lydia and teach part time at the Y. Our income right now is low, but we're just fine. People should not feel bad for us. When we skip going out to dinner with everyone, it's our choice. We may have the cash on hand, but just because you have it does not mean you should spend it. We would love to retire someday and enjoy traveling, doing more mission work and what not. You can't do those things if you don't save $. Pay yourself first. If you don't know what that means, think on it and if you still don't get it- ask! If you looked at our tax return from last year, you would probably cry and shake your head wondering how we don't live in a cardboard box. We may get scoffed at, but we smile knowing that we are 100% debt free and that we have $ to live off of should something happen. That to us, feels much better than having the best stuff and going out all the time with a big money monkey on our backs. We don't have some crazy money secret or anything. We just use the common sense of...don't buy it if you can't pay cash. Cars, new furniture, all that stuff. When we buy a house someday, we will probably get a loan and have debt there, I admit. We will not however, say hey, we're going into debt anyway let's make it worth it with a really expensive house. That is dumb.
If you have been wanting to tighten the belt a bit when it comes to finances. You should check out Dave Ramsey. Podcasts, books, whatever. He is a godly man who practices what the Bible says. No get rich quick schemes, just common sense and the good book.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Mommy woes
I have to say, I love being able to teach exercise classes and taking Lydia to the childcare center (name protected, hehe). I know she has fun playing with the different toys and exploring and I know the ladies love her. Most of them have known her since she was six weeks old. It just gets under my skin though when they bring something up and make me feel like a bad mom.
Lydia goes through teething cycles...at least from what I've some to recognize. Her bottom gets very irritated for days leading up to cutting a tooth. I can slather all the diaper rash cream on her we've got and change her diaper very frequently (and I do!), and the rash will remain until that darn tooth comes in. After that, the rash clears up in no time. I hate that every time I pick her up they ask about the rash like I'm not doing anything about it. I got to explain this to one of the ladies the other day and she understood. It was nice that she just listened and didn't try to tell me how I'm not doing something right. Sigh... I am just praying her teeth come in in groups so this doesn't drag out. I know I'm not a bad mom, I just can't help but think that I'm being perceived as one. I shouldn't care so much about what others think, but I do. It's the people pleaser in me. For now, it is what it is.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Good Sunday
Ahhh, today has been a breath of fresh air so far. This morning, we strapped Lydia into the jogging stroller and went for a 5 mile run as a family. With Brad there to push me, we were able to keep a below 10 min/mile pace. I love running as a family.
After our run, we all cleaned up and headed to church. It was a wonderfully simple, yet meaningful message. It was about priorities. I have gotten better with mine...I think Lydia is partially to thank for that, but I know I still have a ways to go. Back to Lydia though...I don't think you can ever realize how selfish you truly are until you have a child. I am now reminded of this constantly. I think parenting makes us a better person. Speaking of priorities though, my awesome husband just made me lunch so I've got to do the right thing and get off of here!!
After our run, we all cleaned up and headed to church. It was a wonderfully simple, yet meaningful message. It was about priorities. I have gotten better with mine...I think Lydia is partially to thank for that, but I know I still have a ways to go. Back to Lydia though...I don't think you can ever realize how selfish you truly are until you have a child. I am now reminded of this constantly. I think parenting makes us a better person. Speaking of priorities though, my awesome husband just made me lunch so I've got to do the right thing and get off of here!!
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