If you've read my previous posts, you may remember that I said I was not going to mention others in this blog. Well, I meant in a negative way. I am going to name drop here, but it's all good stuff. :)
"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost."
- Charles Caleb Colton
The above quote is so true to me. Friendship is something I have missed so much in the last couple years. Before grown up stuff (not to mention, depression) kicked in, friendships had so much time to bloom and stay strong. I got the wonderful chance to hang out with two of my best friends, Megan and Bonnie recently and was reminded of "the good ol' days." I knew I missed them being around, but I didn't realize how much. They are both in school now, one in a different state so seeing them is a special occasion. Not counting Brad (b/c he is the best friend I've ever had and probably ever will have), next to Megan and Bonnie, I don't have any close friends in Jax. This makes me so sad. Part of it is my fault I realize, but part not so much. I have several people that I call friend who would probably call me the same, but the closeness is not there. There is one person that I knew when I met her, I wanted to be her friend (in a non-creepy way). This is one relationship where I stepped out of my comfort zone to make it happen and it just didn't. We are friends, but not like I hoped. Sometimes, I reflect on our friendship and get so frustrated. I start to wonder what's wrong with me. Why has she always been too busy for friends until so and so came along? I don't have any ill feelings towards her, more like jealousy I guess. I have cherished our conversations and craved for more.
Today gave me some hope in this area and I'm praying I haven't set myself up for disappointment. I went and met with some ladies from my church who meet weekly for lunch and a short, casual discussion and just sharing life together. I loved it. I am so glad I went. Honestly, I almost didn't go b/c I was upset that I hadn't been invited all along. I felt left out- again. Getting past those silly thoughts and just going wasn't an easy step for me so I am proud of myself.
This is one of the many areas that I hope to improve on this year. I say this year instead of "in the future" to make myself really try to open up. It's less vague. Friends aren't just the whipped cream on top, they are what makes the dessert so awesome. Cherish all your friends, old and new.
Jamie, thank you for sharing this. Honestly, I am THE WORST at making friends. And, it's all because of my own insecurities. I KNOW that, and STILL can't step outside of my comfort zone most of the time. I just assume people aren't going to like me. :/ I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer, I'm just sharing about my own struggles, too. I have JUST recently (we're talking in the last month) decided to try harder to make friends, too. I guess it's been so long since I've made a new close friend (think: multiple years), that I don't really know how to do it. Apparently it's something that gets harder with age! Thanks again for sharing. This post was both helpful, and motivating!
ReplyDeleteJac, you are so likable, but obviously I understand. Thank you so much for your comment. I honestly desire to use my imperfections to help others who struggle, but I am not quite there yet...or maybe I am! Knowing that my short blog post has positively affected someone makes me happy and grateful. :)
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