Some more of the scoop

So today was one of those days...whatever that means. If you took the time to read the last post, this one is kind of a deeper dive.

Today, while in the car with my family, I had one of my many driving anxiety moments. I could tell that it frustrated my husband b/c my gasps make him hesitate. If you know my husband, you know he is the sweetest human being alive, so when I know he is frustrated, my heart is heavy and I immediately climb into my depression shell. I don't know if driving anxiety and depression are related, but I do know that they are a painful combination that just feed off each other is the ugliest way.

I have struggled much more with little things since the depression first hit. I have noticed a huge improvement, but still have a hard time with many things such as...calling people. Yep, even the doctor to make an appt. My heart races and if at all possible, I wait for Brad to do the calling (or answering!).  Little things that most people don't think twice about, cause me so much stress. If I try to bring it up casually, I get brushed off, which cuts deep, so I fake my way through a lot of social encounters.  This has caused me a lot of loneliness as well.  It's like a spiraling of dark events. Ugh, I'm shuddering just thinking of how to get what I want to say across. I don't know if I really can.

Okay, I'm done. I can't type this.